Parenting is not for the weak. And co-parenting? Well, co-parenting seemingly requires even more effective communication, vulnerability and accountability. It ain’t easy, and it rarely works well for the prideful or selfish. But when two people decide to make the necessary sacrifices and put their children first, the rewards are immeasurable. Wouldn’t it be helpful for those navigating choppy co-parenting waters to have a real-life take on the journey through the lens of a successful zillennial Black mom? Like, someone who is unapologetically honest about her and her ex’s growth and commitment to give their son the best life possible?
Ladies and gentlemen, Jess Hilarious has entered the chat.
Born Jesscia Robin Moore, the 34-year-old mom is releasing her highly-anticipated debut book, ‘Til Death Do We Parent. Jess saw a need to fill the void in the literary parenting space and decided to compile her personal experiences with those of her high school sweetheart and ex, Gerome (Rome). The result is a refreshing take on co-parenting that is brave, timely and an opportunity to create stronger, healthier families and thus stronger communities. Peppered with The Breakfast Club co-host’s trademark humor and wit, the memoir is relatable and conversational, unlike many other parenting guides.
The now married mother of two children, 14-year-old son Ashton and 1-year-old daughter Marley Sky, carved out time in her busy schedule to chat with ESSENCE. She gave us the inside scoop on how humor has helped her navigate the challenging elements of co-parenting, why it was crucial to include Rome’s point of view in this memoir and what bad habits she had to shed in order to ensure everyone feels respected in her new blended family.
ESSENCE: Congratulations! Tell us why you decided to include your ex Rome’s voice in ‘Til Death Do We Parent. You could have easily written the book without it.
JESS HILARIOUS: I didn’t want to be selfish. Ash, my son, has both of his parents. If I want [my book] to appeal to parents, and not just moms, I had to include Rome, too. He did his dirt and stuff, but I did mine as well. I take accountability in the book for that. A lot of times, we as moms try to keep pushing forward as the victim [in relationships], when, in a lot of cases, we too play a part in the toxicity and dysfunction.
ESSENCE: The book’s cover is cute and clever.
JESS HILARIOUS: We went through a whole bunch of trials. Like, what are we gonna do? And I said, put my ashy hand up here. [Laughs] I wanted to show me writing on a calendar because that’s really what me and Rome go through. I have to write everything down. I would have to write reminders for him to keep Ash’s coat on in the winter.
ESSENCE: The title of the book itself makes a statement because you’re proclaiming that you will be a parent for life, not just until your child turns 18 or 21. You clearly see parenting as a lifelong commitment.
JESS HILARIOUS: That speaks to one of the stigmas I want to kill and why I even wrote the book. I often hear, especially, you know, us, Black parents say things like, Oh as soon as he turns 18, as soon as she is 18, he is out, but no. Hence the title of the book. I’m 34. I’m married. I’m independent. I have businesses. I have structure. You know I have my kids. And I still call Mommy when I need to; I still call my father. There will never be a day that I don’t need him, there will never be a situation where I don’t need my mom. Ash can stay home as long as he wants to, as long as he needs to, as long as he has a job and he’s doing [productive things]. He’s not just waking up, just lying around my house, of course.
ESSENCE: In the book you warn co-parents to stop “sneaking and freaking” with each other. It is funny for sure but there is also seriousness to it. Explain your thoughts on this.
JESS HILARIOUS: You’re blurring the lines when you do that and it is confusing exposure for the kids. You don’t want to confuse the child by them seeing you still sleeping around with your co-parent. That’s not good.
ESSENCE: How has co-parenting changed for you since getting married last April?
JESS HILARIOUS: The amount of access Rome has to me. It was Chris, my husband, who pointed out to me that Rome had too much access to me. He was like, “Your son’s father calls you at 1 a.m. while we’re lying in bed and you answer. I know it isn’t about your son because he’s in the next room.” He showed me that I needed to have boundaries. That perspective made me open my eyes. I wasn’t trying to miss out on another good man. Ain’t no way.
ESSENCE: Has your comedic timing, humor and wit helped you navigate co-parenting?
JESS HILARIOUS: Yes, it’s helped me. And it’s helping me now. It will even help me going forward. Comedy helps me cope with adversity. Anything [challenging] that I face or if I’m in a tough spot or I’m at a level of discomfort, comedy helps me get through it. Comedy is always my go-to and my relief in life.
ESSENCE: Jess, is there anything else that you want our audience to know about this book?
JESS HILARIOUS: That I didn’t always get it right. I found myself dating selfishly. I didn’t realize it until one of the guys I was dating left my baby at home for 5 or 6 hours. That’s in the book as well. That’s all I’m going to tell y’all about it. [You’ll have to read the book for the rest.] When you had that baby and you moved on from their father, now you have to carefully approach the dating process. Like, you gotta vet people. You have to evaluate these guys and ask questions. How are you with your parents? How are you when you’re angry? How are you with children? If they don’t have children dig deep in their business. What was your childhood like? Did you get past any childhood trauma?
Now, nobody is fully healed, because while we’re healing from one thing, life is still life-ing and other things are happening. But you must carefully assess people when you’re dating as a parent because you may think this person is good for you, but they’re not good for your child. And I went through a few years of that, before I met my husband.
That’s the biggest takeaway from this book.
