The biggest learning is to be able to separate yourself from your child: Soha Ali Khan

You and Kunal both come from families where public scrutiny is normal. Whatare some values from your own childhood you’re intentional about passing toInaaya?The world we grew up in was different. There was no social media and photographers around all the time. Fans used to ask for autographs. People didn’t have mobile phones. The world was not intrusive back then. Today, you don’t know when your privacy is invaded. People are writing and commenting about you. Everything is happening in a public space. It’s unsettling for young minds and even for me as a parent. That is a challenge we were spared growing up, and that is something I am aware of for my own child. One thing: My parents did was not put any pressure – to be in public space, to be an actor. It’s definitely about listening to my child, helping her identify her strengths and then being the wings beneath her to help her achieve those dreams.You look calm, but are you a strict parent?

Soha Ali Khan, Inaaya Naumi and Sharmila Tagore

I am obsessed with bedtime. It was a thing for us growing up. I feel that if my daughter sleeps for 10 hours, she can deal with the world. It’s important to sleep before midnight – for brain development and emotional regulation, too. I tell my daughter she can have chocolate or a little extra screen time, but bedtime is non-negotiable. Everyone thinks I am crazy, but it’s a battle that I have fought at great personal sacrifice.So, how did your podcast ‘All About Her’ come about?I really enjoy having conversations and I like the non-fiction space. In my mid-40s I felt like I was having a lot of expensive conversations with a lot of professionals on skin, hormones, workouts, food, blood tests, supplements and I spent a lot of money. I realized I have access to these amazing professionals. I knew I had to record and share them with my friends. Later, I thought to post on YouTube and help relevant people. Also, I started it because I love women! Women are phenomenal by virtue ofbeing women!Your podcast ‘All About Her’ has you interviewing everyone from therapists toauthors. Any memorable parenting insights from any guests that actuallystayed with you as a parent?What’s interesting is that all guests were from different walks of life but a lot of them are all mothers. I also interviewed few dads on the podcast. Everyone’s story is different. I chatted with my mother (Sharmila Tagore) and Neetu ji who spoke about parenting at their time. There was no social media. Mothers did a lot more. Fatherswere not expressive and held back a lot more. Fathers were stricter in many ways. Then we have the current generation which is reading a lot of books. There’s gentle parenting. Some parents don’t know how to discipline and create boundaries. So many of these conversations stayed with me.Your podcast feels very candid, but what’s one subject or dilemma you’vefaced that you haven’t put on mic yet because it still feels too raw orunresolved?I want to touch the subject of sports. I want to have some interesting conversations with women in sports. I want to talk more on finance. Then there’s gender transition, body positivity, pro-ageing – topics I like to discuss and have some heartfelt conversations around.What does “digital wellbeing” look like in your home? Are there phone-freezones, screen-time trades, any house rules that work?I feel you have to be intentional about these things. Technology is a large part of our lives today. So, I start with myself. I have to keep my phone away but it’s very tough to disconnect. But if I am going to do that then Inaaya will understand that the phone has so much power. Kids can’t make a distinction whether I am doing work on phone will not register. She will just see the fact that I am on the phone. Forbidding is not the answer because then it becomes more enticing. It’s important to explain to them why it’s not good for you. And now, she understands that gadgets are not good but it’s still it’s so attractive that how do you make life so interesting without screens. But then that’s what we need to teach them. Get bored. Look out of the window. Playwith dolls. Read a book. Play a game. It’s important to figure out what to do in space of screen time. The problem is, parents are worried about what kids will do if there’s no screen time! Books are a major part of your parenting… I grew up on books. I used to pick a book and never get bored. I travelled all the time with my mother (Sharmila Tagore) and never get bored. Inaaya has also picked that habit. Now I tell her, I will continue to read to her but she must read herself too.Trolling, mom-shaming, “bad mom” comments – How do you handle it all?

I feel my role is not to improve the world. It’s just to improve myself. My sense of self-worth has never come from outside. This is the foundation we need to teach our child from an early age. It’s impossible to please everyone. Trollers just like to hate. That cannot affect you. They are strangers, anonymous and it means nothing. Yoursense of self-worth should come from within. I actually read comments on YouTube and people give healthy criticism and that is good. So you cant live in a vacuum and block yourself from the world. It’s to engage with the world and have a thick skin so you can differentiate between positive criticism and hate. Filter out the hate and take on board what can improve you as a person and your craft.If Inaaya had to describe you as a mom in one line 20 years from now, what areyou hoping for?Inaaya has already described me a mother many times. I hope that she will say that I was kind, I was a good listener and that I did not finish her sentences for her. I used to in the past. Now, I want her to complete her thought for as long as it takes. I want her to say what she wants to say.The article has been written by Sidhi Kapoor. She is a seasoned journalist with an experience of over 20 years. She is a hard core Bollywood fan and loves everything filmy and dramatic!